May is Foster Care Month by Rochelle Schlortt

During the month of May, we celebrate and honor the wonderful Foster Families who have opened their homes, lives and hearts to foster children in need of nurturing adults.  According to the 2010 fact sheet for the Colorado Division of Child Welfare,  there are approximately 5,922 children in Foster and Group Homes in Colorado.  Nationally, there are over 400,000 children and youth in the foster care system.   Many children find their way into foster care because their own families are in crisis and unable to care for them.

Catholic Charities of Colorado Springs deals with several special types of foster care.  Our Life Connections Cradle Care homes provide a special foster home for babies who go into Cradle Care until the birth parent(s) decides to establish an adoption plan and move forward with the relinquishment of  parental rights.  This may occur at birth, when our counselors are called to the hospital to take custody of a child, or when a new parent needs a little more time to consider an adoption plan.  Our Cradle Care Mom who has been with the program over 25 years has cared for 136 children.  In calendar year 2010, Life Connections provided 17,856 hours of total foster care, and 2,496 hours of cradle foster care.

Additionally, all families who enter into our Life Connections adoption program are considered prospective Adoptive Families and provide a Family Foster Home during the transition between taking custody of a child, the relinquishment of  birth parent(s) rights and when the baby ultimately becomes part of their family through adoption.

Regardless of the situation that results in a child entering into foster care, the families and individuals who open their hearts should certainly have a special month where they are recognized for their contributions and sacrifices they make to provide a special home for a child.

From our hearts to yours, thank you for all you do!

To read more about Foster Care Month, visit the Catholic News Agency

Celebrate Birth Mother’s Day by Rochelle Scholortt

We all know that we celebrate our mothers for everything they do for us throughout our lives on the first Sunday in May, but did you know there is a Birth Mother’s Day as well?  Birth Mother’s Day is a day to honor and remember the motherhood experience of birth mothers, the women who either lost or placed their children in adoption.  It is held on the Saturday before Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day brings a birth mother’s feelings and memories of her child to the forefront and the pain and longing that might be associated with it.  Many have no contact with the child that was given up or taken from them, and no way of resolving their pain.  Birth Mother’s Day  was developed by a group of birth mothers in Seattle, Washington, who met at a birth parent support group.  It was created to educate people about adoption, but more importantly, to honor and remember.  The first Birth Mother’s Day was held in 1990.  As it turns out, Mother’s Day is one of the worst days of the year for these mothers, second only to the child’s’ birth date.

In recent years, with the expansion of Open Adoptions, where the birth and adoptive parents have a mutual agreement for interaction between the birth and adoptive families and the child, some of the pain, longing, but mostly the uncertainty of “not knowing” has been lessened.  However, even with open adoption, many birth mothers still feel a sense of loss for not being able to truly parent their child.

Catholic Charities’ Life Connections program deals with these issues everyday through our adoption and counseling programs.  Certainly, Open Adoption helps by not severing the relationship between birth mom and child, and counseling helps resolve some of the issues surrounding adoption, but celebrating the birth mom for more than just “giving live” has helped many come to terms with their roles and feelings.

If you would like more information regarding Catholic Charities Life Connections programs, click here.

There is also a great website that has an in-depth article on Birth Mother’s Day.  To read more, click here.

Glimpses into our Journey – Part II

(The previous reflection, Glimpses into our Journey, was provided by an adoptive mother in the Life Connection’s Adoption Program.  Part II is shared from the perspective of the Birth Mother who placed her baby for adoption with this adoptive mother and her husband.)

When I found out I was pregnant I was scared and wasn’t sure what to do.  I was scared to be judged because I didn’t know who the father was.  I didn’t have a job at the time and all I wanted was what was best for this Little One.                                          

I felt from the beginning Little One needed a two parent home.  I checked out several agencies and I immediately felt a connection with Catholic Charities.  I didn’t know a lot about adoption, so I didn’t know what was in store for me and my mom, who was a great support.         

I walked in closed minded, though during hours of counseling they explained the difference between open and closed adoption.  I chose to pick the adoptive parents and meet with them.  I will call them Annie and Jeff.  I wanted Annie and Jeff to be a part of this process, as much as they could.  I asked them to be in the birthing room with me.  They came to the hospital and were by my side, with Catholic Charities and my mom.           

I ended up having to have a c-section and hospital policy allows only one person in the room.  I believe God’s hand was in this from the beginning because He changed the hospital policy and my mom, Annie and Jeff were all allowed in there with me.  I believe the Little One came into this world to be a blessing for another family.            

During counseling we learned bonding was very important with the Little One.  Annie and Jeff stayed at the hospital after Little One arrived so the bonding could begin.           

Catholic Charities was there as well as well to help with the process.  In my heart I knew I made the right decision.  Catholic Charities and Annie and Jeff were there for me all the way and are still with me today.  I still have a great relationship with Annie and Jeff and Little One.  I thank God, my mom, Annie and Jeff and Catholic Charities for all the support I received.  Thank you Catholic Charities for helping me make the most important decision in my life.  My Little One will now grow up in a loving two parent home, as well as knowing me.  I now explain my family to include Annie, Jeff, and Little One.                                                           

Thank you Catholic Charities, Annie, and Jeff

Glimpses into our Journey

(The following reflection was written by an adoptive mother in the Life Connection’s Adoption Program)

A few summers ago, our pastor was doing a series of sermons where he encouraged us to quietly reflect and invite Jesus into a situation we found ourselves in.  I remember closing my eyes, praying that Jesus would walk into my sadness.  As I quietly waited, I saw myself sitting at our kitchen table.  I was crying from the pain of repeated miscarriages, fear, frustration, and loss.  Jesus came, knelt down beside me and draped his arm around me.  I felt his presence and his comfort.

Then, the scene changed.  I saw Him standing in our front entrance carrying an infant.  I remember its little legs dangling from Jesus’ arms.  As Jesus went to hand the baby to me, I said, “This child is not mine.”  He responded, “None of them are.”

I share this story because it was one of those moments that God reminded me that He is here and at work.  I needed that!  Don’t we all sometimes?

We have been on quite the journey the past seven years in regards to desiring children.  Looking back, we see a story of brokenness, healing, renewed hope, trust, beauty and redemption.  God plays a crucial role in it all.

We started checking into adoption agencies and through a series of events, we eventually decided to pursue an open, domestic adoption with Catholic Charities.  After an extensive process, we received our certification to adopt.  It was a lot of work but definitely worth it!  We turned in a scrapbook, our first impression to a Birth Family, and officially went into the pool of waiting families.  When we got a call that we had been selected by a Birth Mom, the feeling was akin to a positive on a pregnancy stick!  We met her the following Monday and felt both excitement and peace to move forward.

As we prepared for the baby’s arrival, we simultaneously started building relationships with the Birth Mom and Birth Grandma.  They gave us the gift of naming our son and invited us to be at his birth.  We experienced such beauty and grace during this time.  So many people were praying!

Our son’s birth turned into a two and half day labor followed by an emergency C-section.  We were in the operating room to see his arrival and brought him home the next day.  When he was baptized he was surrounded by us, his Grandparents, Godparents, our friends, community and his Birth Mom. We love her dearly as we do our son, who we know belongs to the God we serve, love and now co-parent with.  He knows and loves this child more than we can imagine and we are so grateful for this leg of the journey and this season of life.

Our process recently culminated with the Adoption Finalization of our son.  What a moment! We are so grateful for Colleen, our Catholic Charities counselor who has walked alongside us through this entire Adoption Process.  We have learned a lot and have been in awe of the richness of this experience.  We are deeply blessed with our son and our relationship with his Birth Mom.  Thank you for being our teacher, counselor, advocate and friend.  We are so grateful for you!

Life Connections Open Adoption featured on Fox 21 News

 

November is National Adoption Month.  Fox 21 News reporter, Craig Coffey, provides a detailed report on Open Adoption.  Hear from a birth mother,  an adoptive family, and a counselor who helps families like these.  The report is in two parts:

Open Adoption Part One

Open Adoption Part Two

Respect Life program for 2009-10 shows diversity of pro-life concerns

By Catholic News Service

WASHINGTON –“Every Child Brings Us God’s Smile” is the theme for the 2009-2010 Respect Life program, based on one of Pope Benedict XVI’s homilies during the feast of the Baptism of the Lord.

Although the Respect Life program itself has been a year-round initiative since its establishment in 1972, U.S. Catholics across the country have used the month of October to focus on life and human dignity. Many parishes will hold a special Respect Life Mass Oct. 4, the first Sunday of Respect Life Month.

Materials are developed for the Respect Life program each year by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ Secretariat of Pro-Life Activities. The topics addressed this year show the diversity of pro-life concerns, including:

– “Why You Matter: A Reflection on Human Dignity” by Father John Bartunek, a member of the Legionaries of Christ.

– “Assisted Suicide: Death By ‘Choice’“ by Rita L. Marker, executive director of the International Task Force on Euthanasia and Assisted Suicide.

– “The Difference Is the Difference: Sexual Difference and the Defense of Marriage” by Father J. Brian Bransfield, assistant general secretary of the USCCB.

– “Contraception: The Fine Print” by Susan E. Wills, assistant director for education and outreach in the pro-life secretariat.

– “Addressing Infertility With Compassion and Clarity” by Capuchin Franciscan Father J. Daniel Mindling, academic dean at Mount St. Mary’s Seminary in Emmitsburg, Md.

– “Where Do We Go From Here? The Challenge of Building a Culture of Life” by Cardinal Justin Rigali of Philadelphia, chairman of the USCCB Committee on Pro-Life Activities.

The 2009-2010 Respect Life packet also includes a collection of suggested prayers for Respect Life Sunday, a “Litany to Mary, Mother of Life,” a novena to Our Lady of Guadalupe and a Holy Hour for life, as well as suggested preaching reflections for Jan. 22, the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the U.S. Supreme Court decision that legalized abortion.

The Committee on Pro-Life Activities creates this package annually to help spread the Catholic Church’s pro-life message to schools, religious education programs, and Catholic institutions and organizations.

The folder also includes information on how to order supplies for this year’s program and a CD with additional literature on the selected issues. Many supplies are available in both Spanish and English.

Deciding for Another

by Colleen Greenfield

How do you know the best decision to make for another?  Is it possible to make a decision for someone else that will affect them for the rest of their life, and not feel guilty about it for the years to come?  To not wonder everyday if this was the right decision or if one day you will get a phone call, a letter, or even a visit from this person who dislikes you for the choice you made for them?  Or is it possible to love someone so much that you know the decision you are making for them is the best one possible, and even if any of these other circumstances may happen, that you know in your heart that you did the best you could?  Is it possible to set aside your own feelings, and not look at what is best for you, but what is best for another, especially if the other person is a baby?

Society today has such mixed feelings about adoption.  There is such an entitlement for a parent to raise a child that it is not a subject that seems to be looked very highly upon by most of the general public.  Those who don’t understand the decision judge someone who has been there; they judge someone for making what is probably one of the hardest decisions to make.  They think that person is selfish, that they are “copping out” of their responsibility of raising their child.  In actuality, the decision to place a child for adoption is one of the hardest decisions anyone has to make.  It is one of the most selfless decisions a person could make.

Maybe I am biased, because I am adopted and I was raised in a wonderful family, or maybe I am biased because at 17 years old I found myself pregnant out of wedlock, and this is a decision that I had to make. 

I was lucky enough to have guidance in making this decision, as I sought the help of a Child Placement Agency that provided me with options counseling to look at what I thought was best.  It helped me to look at the reality of the situation, from both a parenting aspect and an adoption aspect.  I wasn’t promised that everything would be easy or wonderful.  I was told the truth-that no matter what decision I made it would affect me for the rest of my life. 

Becoming a parent would mean a huge change in lifestyle.  It would mean setting aside any goals and dreams that I had for myself to raise this baby.  It would mean trying to raise a child in a broken home, without a steady father figure.  When I thought about being a mother, this was not the situation I had pictured in my mind.  I imagined being a stay-at-home mom, with a supportive husband, the ability to make ends meet, and having fulfilled the goals I had set for myself.  My reality was nowhere near that.  I was a junior in high school, looking toward completing high school and continuing on to college.  I was not married to the father of the baby, or even in a serious relationship with him.           

Placing this child for adoption would mean that I would not be a mother. It would mean that I would put my trust in someone else to raise my child as their own, providing for this child what I was unable to provide at this point.  Either decision was a scary reality to face.  I learned about open adoption, in which I would have the ability to choose the family myself, from a group of pre-screened families that were working with the agency.  It meant that I would have the ability to meet the family, and continue in an on-going relationship with them, if that is what we all agreed on.  It would mean that I could receive updates on the child.  Ultimately, I would get to be a part of this child’s life, but instead of the everyday parenting, I would get to be a special person in this child’s life: a person that would be an integral part of their story, but not their parent.  I would be able to continue with the dreams and goals I had for myself, while being able to give my child everything I could have possibly wanted her to have.  A two-parent family, a stay-at-home mom, an older sibling, a house to live in, and money to be able to raise her without the struggles I would have faced as a single mom, who would be working and going to school, and having very little time to spend with my child.  At 17 years old I set aside myself and what would have been best for me, and truly tried to focus on what would be best for her.  I made the most selfless decision a person could make, by putting my child first, and giving her everything I had to give, even if it meant that giving her everything meant giving her a new life and family.

So back to my original questions….I have never regretted my decision to place my child for adoption, because I was able to realize it was the best decision for her.  I didn’t come to that right away; I was given the support and the counseling to look at the reality of my choices in a non-judgmental environment.  The birth options counseling I received at this point in my life truly helped me look beyond myself, and at what was best for her.  I am somewhat fearful that in some of the years to come that she will not like me because of this decision, or understand this decision, but those are my own issues, not hers.  I will always know that I did what I felt was best, and I will never question that.

> Catholic Charities CS Life Connections

> Catholic Charities CS Open Adoption

About the author: Colleen Greenfield is a Licensed Professional Counselor with the Life Connections program, Catholic Charities, Colorado Springs.

Babies Hold A Special Place in Our Hearts

Jeremy Camp is one of my favorite musicians.  His music touches my soul and invariably when he releases a new single it becomes a fast favorite.  In his short career he has earned 16 No. 1 songs and 5 Dove Awards.  But it isn’t his success that draws me to him.  It is his faith and his story.  And he weaves both into his amazing songs. I am struck by how personal his music is.  When I first heard I Still Believe, with its lingering lyrics, I didn’t realize just how personal. 

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I’ve never felt so torn before
Seems I don’t know where to start
But its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

‘Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
‘Cause I still believe in Your truth
‘Cause I still believe in Your holy word
‘Cause even when I don’t see, I still believe 

When I came to learn the story behind the pain infused throughout this song, I was both inspired by, and in awe of his statement of faith.  When Jeremy Camp was 23 he lost his first wife Melissa to ovarian cancer just months after they were married.  This was the first song he wrote after he suffered this unimaginable loss.  Eight years have passed since this sorrowful time and he is married now to Adrienne and together they have two daughters.

But I am again touched by the depth of this man’s – and his wife’s – unfailing faith in God.  Adrienne, pregnant and in her third month recently learned through an ultrasound their baby’s heart had stopped a week early and in their words, “has gone home to be with Jesus.”  Their current Blogs share this latest loss.  They write, “God has overwhelmed us with His love and peace. We know He is faithful and don’t doubt for a minute that He is in control.  We are so thankful for the hope we have in Christ.  God is SO faithful, SO loving and SO good!”

And Adrienne continues to write in her updates since they first shared their sad news, “I can’t even begin to share with you the promises of the Lord that have been carrying us thru this weekend.  God is good, no matter what.  I had an amazing time of worship with the Lord last night, imagining myself sitting right at His feet.  God has shown His strength, His comfort, His unending love, His peace and sooo much more.  This is why we believe what we believe. This is why we walk by faith, knowing that God does not waste our trials and that He draws us unto Himself.  That He is enough and He is everything we need.”

I am moved by such an incredibly powerful testimony in the midst of such incredible sadness.  Babies hold such a special place in the hearts of all of us who work in Catholic Charities’ Life Connection’s program.  We delight in the miracle of each life we are blessed to touch through our pregnancy support services, birth parent counseling and adoption services.  We also know that babies are a fragile gift from the author of all life – our God and Father.  I, like Adrienne lost a baby during the first months of pregnancy.   So it is personal for me when Jeremy Camp sings in the last verse of I Still Believe,

Well the only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers

Well in brokenness I can see that this was Your will for me
Help me to know that You are near

‘Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
‘Cause I still believe in Your truth
‘Cause I still believe in Your holy word
‘Cause even when I don’t see, I still believe

Safe-haven Law Creates Hope

What does a young mother do when she can’t parent the baby she just delivered in secret and all by herself?   Colorado’s safe-haven law allows a parent to bring an unharmed baby safely to a fire station or hospital within three days of birth.  The law promises complete confidentiality, and as long as the baby is unharmed, no criminal charges will be filed. 

Every so often there is a news story about a baby relinquished in this manner by a parent.   And sometimes tragically one of these babies doesn’t survive.  Horrifically, there have also been news reports since the law’s inception in 2000 where babies have been abandoned in the trash, in fields, in public restrooms, and parking lots – and we grieve for these babies, as well as the mothers who leave a child so defenseless and utterly alone. 

When I hear of these cases where a baby was brought to a local hospital, my thoughts turn to the mother.  How scared she must have been.  What is going on in her life that she felt this was her only option?  What if down the road she changes her mind?  What then?  Will a day go by that she doesn’t wonder what her baby looks like or what God’s plan is for this child’s life?  If she has another child, what will her thoughts be about the older sibling her son or daughter will never know?  And what about the baby?  What will she come to learn about her first days on this earth and her birth mother’s decision – and how might it impact her, perhaps for the rest of her life?  How will she answer the first time she is asked for her medical history and what feelings of abandonment and loss might such a seemingly simple question stir in her?

These cases haunt me.  Did the mother know that she could have received support and counseling from a trained and caring professional that would have told her of an option that would allow her the same freedom to relinquish her parental responsibilities, but in a fashion where she could be supported and put on a path of emotional healing?  The anonymity she so desired in terms of this child today, will she at some point in her life come to profoundly regret?  Does she have any idea of what the emotional impact might be on her days to come as she shoulders her secret or possibly, the regret?  And does she know that even now, there are agencies such as Catholic Charities that are trained to assist her with the emotional aftermath of this decision?

I am grateful to mothers who choose life for their babies and use the safe-haven law.  But it concerns me when these stories are retold through the media without also talking about what adoption could look like for these birth mothers – both in the short-term while she wants to remain anonymous to the child, but also later if she were to desire to get updates on how the child is doing or even have an opportunity for a relationship.  Would a mother perhaps make a different decision if she better understood the benefits to both her and the baby by establishing an adoption plan that had the possibility of growing and evolving? 

Part of the reason I am haunted by these stories is because of the lasting impression they might leave on another young, pregnant woman who also falsely believes that she has no other options.  For the mother who drops her newborn off at the hospital today, it is most likely too late for her to change her mind and be part of the adoption.  Her window has permanently closed and she will never be involved in her child’s life. However, for the girl tomorrow who finds herself pregnant and chooses adoption over leaving her baby with a hospital or fire station under the safe-haven law, the possibilities are endless… As might be her sense of peace and hope.

 

CATHOLIC CHARITIES USA RANKED #6 IN TOP TEN NON-PROFIT POWER BRANDS REPORT

Catholic Charities USA 

In a study conducted by and released today by Boston-base marketing firm Cone LLC and British-based brand consultancy Intangible Business, CCUSA was ranked #6 in “The Cone Top 10 Non-Profit Power Brands.” Catholic Charities USA joins other household non-profit names on the Top Ten list such as United Way, Red Cross and Salvation Army. The strong ranking for CCUSA reflects the commitment of its donors and the national scope and scale of the social services provided by the organization’s more than 1,700 local agencies and affiliates.

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